It's Hell To Be Old...
OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!
An 85-year-old man's doctor requested a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ' Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar,
which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained,
' Well, doc, it's like this --first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out,
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too,
first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees,
but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! ' You asked your neighbor ? '
The old man replied,
' Yep. But none of us could get the jar open.'
Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.
When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
The son said, " I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive. "
" How much ? " asked Grandpa.
" $10.00 a pill ," Answered the son.
" I don't care ," said Grandpa.
" I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow. "
Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow.
He called Grandpa and said, " I told you each pill was $10, not $110."
" I know," said Grandpa. " The hundred is from Grandma ! "
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.
His assistant walked up to him and said,
' This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door? '
The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up.
He then understood his assistant's question about his ' garage door.'
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask,
' When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there? '
She smiled and said,
' No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires.'