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TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG
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Dear God:
Is it on purpose that our names are the same, only reversed ?
Dear God:
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another ?
Dear God:
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch?
Or is it still the same old story ?
Dear God:
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,
the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog ?
How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride!
Would it be so hard to rename the ' Chrysler Eagle ' the ' Chrysler Beagle ' ?
Dear God:
If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him,
is he still a bad Dog ?
Dear God:
We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals,
whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields,
and Frisbee flight paths.
What do humans understand ?
Dear God:
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God:
Are there mailmen in Heaven ?
If there are, will I have to apologize ?
Dear God:
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a ' face towel '
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying ' hello '.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house--not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a ' squeaky toy ' so when I play with him and he makes that noise,
it's usually not a good thing.
Signed,
The Dog
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P.S. Dear God:
When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
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---YourWishMistress
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