A 30 year old blonde decides to try
horseback riding for the first time.
With no lessons, nor prior experience,
she mounts the horse unassisted,
and the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace,
but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane,
but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck,
but she slides down the horse's side anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious
to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts
to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup;
she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves
as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground,
she is mere moments away from unconsciousness
when to her great fortune...Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter,
sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
And you thought all they did was say Hello.
Two Blondes With Hammers
Lynn and Judy were doing some carpenter work
on a Habitat for Humanity house.
Lynn was nailing down house siding,
would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail,
and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked,
' Why are you throwing those nails away ? '
' When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half
of them are defective and have the head
on the wrong end and I throw them away.'
Judy got completely upset and yelled,
' You moron !
Those nails aren't defective !
They're for the other side of the house ! '